I can’t even understand [him] because half of what he says is l33t and the other half is rapper…”
— co-worker
I 20something guy who moved to sucker free San Francisco from sweet home Chicago in May 2008...then I met a girl and moved to Copenhagen, Denmark. Then I came back to Chicago.
This is a chronicle of how I get down out here. It's almost entirely submitted via iPhone, so most of it is close to or in real time, which is comical in itself mostly nonsense.
I can’t even understand [him] because half of what he says is l33t and the other half is rapper…
…dirt, old green wooden bleachers, hot dogs, and PBR - that’s what a baseball game should smell like.”
Eat a Salad
The girl next to me at work is fat. Which would be fine if she didn’t blame her fatness on “genetics”. however, I blame her fatness on the Popeye’s motherfuckin’ Chicken she eats for lunch.
Man I love PEZ. I wanna try those big ones. I imagined eating one the size of a bar of soap would be good.”
— Nick
Oh..this must not be a big game. You know it’s not a big game when they have a broad announcing the play-by-play.”
— Rick
People have these lofty expectations for Obama because of how bad Bush did. If Bush had done such a great job, you wouldn’t be expecting so many things to change for the better.”
To Digress
(Facebook Status) [Me] is listening to ignorant n*gga music that will surely thrust Georgia back into slavery. But hey, I can snap to it right?
Miguel: Seems like something Glenn Beck would LOVE! =)
Jaime: Miguel's listening to ... "BOOM BOOM.... Everybody say waaaayoo waaaayooo... BOOM BOOM BOOM... Everybody say waaayooo waaayooo...." lolz
Miguel: I think I'm glad I have no idea what you're talking about... I'm about to listen to some 2Pac as soon as my iTunes re-installs =)
Jaime: Bitches pursue me like a dream....Been known to disappear...before your eyes just like a dope fiend ...It seems - my main thang was to be major paid ...The game sharper than a motherfuckin razor blade ...Say money bring bitches, bitches bring lies ...One n*gga's gettin jealous, and motherfuckers died ...Depend on me like the first and fifteenth ..They might hold me for a second, but these punks won't get me
Miguel: All Eyez On Me!!!
Jaime: WEST SIDE!!!!!!!!
Me: lol..."wayoooo waaaaayooo"
Me: btw...we all need to get together sometime! I ate some Chipotle, and it left me wanting actual Mexican food. Man...the Mexicans in that Chipotle were some sellouts. I ice-grilled her when she, uncaringly, tossed a tiny pile of steak on my burrito...
Jaime: dude.... chipotle and taco bell may be some good Polish food but no substitute for authentic.... just let me know... there's this bad azz joint like a block from my house... best tacos and in Chicago
Miguel: I know you aren't talking about the place across from Kelly! I went there with the Trejo twins a while back and it was nasty! Instead of regular meat, I had to eat brains! BRAAAIIINS!
Jaime: ur the dumbass that ordered brains.... when the waitress asks you what you want... you could have responded Cheeseburger genius.....
Miguel: Cheeseburger in a mexican joint? That's like ordering pizza in a chinese restaurant... And anyway, she made me order in spanish. Hence the brains :-(
Me: What? You can't say 'taco' in Spanish? Lemme give you a hint...it starts with "T"...and ends with...wait for it..."ACO" mo'fucker!
Jaime: daaaaaaaaang [Me] jus OWNED YOU...... actually burgers in Mexican joints are way better than the shiet they give you at McDonalds... you're actually getting real beef.... ok so let me get this straight... they made you order in spanish and you somehow said.... Cesos??? Taco de Cesos??? you my friend are an interesting little man
Miguel: They don't serve picadillo! That's all I know so I had to order something else. I didn't know what I was getting... pendejos...
Jaime: jajajajajja props to the twins for tricking your unbilingual arse..... jajajajjajaja... I bet [Me] knows how to order tacos better than you....you should be ashamed of yourself... stick with me... I will show you the taco ways...
Miguel: Pizza > tacos
Jaime: ummmmmmmmm no..... it has been proven through research that more tacos are sold in the U.S. than pizzas... sorry broski...
Miguel: But if the average pizza is cut into 25-30 slices each, I bet the gap is closed (if not demolished altogether)... And I would now like to take this time to apologize to [Me] for us taking over his post like this. That's what happens when two Beaners stumble upon a funny comment :-p
I spray nut on hoes like Windex.”
— Waxamillion
I introduce you to the most ridiculous bullshit, ever.
I stole from theloveyturtle:
